Archive for January, 2010

The Heart of War

Posted on January 29, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I’m feeling like you like me this way;
Laid out with no fight,
Wondering where to go.

I get the impression that you don’t want me to stand,
To raise my head and know that I can.

I’m sensing that the you I know isn’t you at all,
You feel superior when I’m feeling inferior.

I have a hunch that my down and out mood pleases you some,
Your words say otherwise but your eyes tell me so.

I feel your foot on the hand I’m trying to lift,
Your sole is pressing into me and my hand goes numb.

I feel your soulless soul burst with delight,
As I start to shake my head in defeat.

I say to you:
Don’t be fooled my stance as I lay down.
With my face in the dirt,
I’m not beaten.

I look up at you and then I see,
You staring back at you.
And me staring back at me.

©

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It’s Child’s Play

Posted on January 29, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

 

As grown as I am,
Sometimes I don’t want to be.

I love to be me.
I like being me.
I just want to be the child that I used to be.

Just for a day.

I wish I could play all day,
And only stop when night blankets me.

I wish I could laugh at anything, anywhere;
Drawing smiles, not stares.

I want to be free to act silly;
And silly is all it would be.

I would ask questions about the sky, universe, monsters and sea creatures,
And dream I explored these as such.

I would ask about love,
And hope to find it.

I’d say all I want to say with the freedom to do so,
“I love you”
“I hate you”
“I’m not your friend”
Oh, how free I would be.

I’d do something for the fun of it,
Not concerned with financial gain.
Not concerned with personal ruin.

Just for a day.

Esteem would be high,
Self consciousness, put to rest.

I’d see right through the false,
And steer towards the beautiful soul in others.
Knowing well those who mean me harm,
Knowing even better those who have nothing but love.

Adventure would be my middle name;
Fear would have no place here.

Returning home to the unconditional love,
Re-fuelling my mind, body and my spirit.
Ready to explore another time.

Just for a day.

Oh, just for a day.

©

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Things I’ve Learnt Before 30

Posted on January 27, 2010. Filed under: Articles | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Well, it’s official, I am about to turn 30 soon!

I’d like to say ‘gosh, it’s just crept up on me’ but honestly, it hasn’t. I’ve been ‘counting down’ since I was 26! I’ve sat down and dissected the approaching 3.0 with friends and done the whole “I’m not ready”, “at least you don’t look it” and
“Only 4 years to go”
“Only 3 years to go”
“Only 2…” well, you get the picture.

My birthdays actually in March but have been mentioning it to people for a good few months now. See I’m the sort of person who likes to get an early jump on my birthday. Honestly, I’m worse than my 7 year old son. I literally jump up and down on the day with excitement.

Hey, I’m exceptionnelle!
And no, that’s not a fancy word for crazy!!!
Just another way of saying I’m unique.
That is a little crazy mind…
But anyhoo, back to me turning 30.

So for a while now I’ve been speaking to friends and family about what they think they can or will say they’ve learnt before turning 30.

Now I don’t mean what you’ve achieved before you turn 30. That’s something entirely different. And is likely to have many in tears. The purpose of this is not to make you or I cry!!!

No.

It’s just for fun, and I stress fun because even if you feel you haven’t learnt a thing in your 29 years and 11months, be positive, you have a whole month to catch up. But honestly, and this isn’t to rain on your parade, if you haven’t learnt anything about yourself, society, relationships etc in 29 years and 11months, perhaps you should just, um…

Here you go, here’s a Kleenex!!

So what I’d really like to do is show you a list I compiled a few months ago after a conversation I had with my family about turning 30.

This list is what I feel I’ve learnt in my 29 years and 10 months:

Money:

  1. It’s not a savings account if you take out more than you put in on a daily basis.
  2. Pay day is like watching snow fall. You may be excited at the prospect of snow arriving, but you know full well that the majority of the time as soon as it hits the ground, it disappears.
  3. Credit is like a roller coaster ride – fun at first, but sooner or later you’ll be so sick that you want to get off.
  4. It is possible to spread one item you’re paying for over 3 or 4 debit (DEBIT) cards. Just don’t expect a smile from the sales assistant.
  5. Haggling is the same as flirting. I’m so bad at haggling, but can flirt my way out of paying full price for that item.

 Work:

  1. You finish work at 5pm, so you can’t understand why your boss is hissing at you as you stand to put your coat on at 4.58pm. Honestly, you’ve still got 2 more minutes! Tut tut tut!
  2. It’s amazing just how much weight you actually put on at work. Don’t know why, you never have lunch and just eat cakes and biscuits and crisps and chocolates and…
  3. You can’t believe you’ve been made to work when it’s snowing outside. I mean who’s going to use my makeshift snow-sledge now. It’ll just sit there…
  4. Day dreaming in meetings is always a big no-no. It’s all in the eyes. Not to mention the way you just jumped when a question was directed to you. “Sorry, can you repeat the question please?” “Yes how do you spell your surname? I’m writing your termination letter!”
  5. For some reason, you go into so much depth about the day’s weather at work. You suddenly become the world’s greatest weather man/woman. “I know this weather is terrible. It was spitting earlier, but by afternoon we’re expecting light rain. Looks like we will have some heavy showers come evening, with a torrential down-pour come tomorrow morning…”

Relationships

  1. What’s a r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p?
  2. Enough with the dating rules. Don’t call after 3 days, distance yourself for 2 weeks, don’t kiss on date number 6… I mean… oh wait, truth just hit home. Not a good feeling!
  3. Never fight over a man! He’s made his choice so let him go in peace. No, now put that crowbar down!!!
  4. Don’t get so carried away with the idea of wedding bells ladies, remember, it’s a day, less than 24hours. Really think about it – is this the person you want to spend your life with? If so, let’s do it. If not, it’s probably a good idea to tell him. (Oh, look at me getting all serious. Scared myself just then!)
  5. Getting over someone else by dating another works only temporarily. You still need to deal with your ‘stuff’ from the previous relationship before you can properly move on. Did someone order a psycho new partner? Anyone?

Friendships

  1. Your circle of friends gets smaller as you get older and much more precious! Sorry nothing funny here, just having a real ‘hug’ moment.
  2. It is okay to have a best friend at 29. Actually it’s the best having a best friend at 29. As life get’s crazier, so do the both of you!!!
  3. Your guy can’t understand how it’s possible for you to sit on the phone talking to your friend for 2 hours even though you just saw her half an hour ago.
  4. The greatest friends of all love you just the way you are. Don’t imitate. Encourage you and tell you how it really is. Now if I can just do that for them, then I’m set!! I’m kidding, of course; I am THE greatest friend! (Note to self: modesty is a wonderful trait in building friendships!)
  5. You can laugh about any and everything with the right friend by your side. It’s the most beautiful way of getting through tough times. “Remember, ahaha, remember that time I broke my leg…hahahah…”

Family

  1. Everything to do with family is personal and classified. It’s very important to choose who you give information to about your family. Period.  Oh sorry to go all Mission: Impossible.

And lastly, Me:

  1. I’m much stronger than I thought
  2. My wonderful son thinks I’m cool!
  3. I don’t need every cosmetic advertised. Yes, I know it leaves your skin flawlessly flawless, when the other just leaves it flawless, but NO!
  4. I DO need my 8 hours as I get older!! Seriously!
  5. I need to give myself a break every now and again.

Well, I think that’s pretty much it. I’ve obviously learnt a lot more (she say’s hoping) but it’s a blog site, not my final dissertation so I think I’ll end it there and start looking forward to turning 30!

©

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Sun Rise

Posted on January 24, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I would like to dedicate this poem to the people of Haiti – your strength is inspiring; your faith unshakeable. God bless you.xIn the darkness you see the light.

You are a force,
An unbreakable spirit.
Rise.

Fully aware of what lies ahead,
You hope with the passion of Angels.
And pray with the souls of saints.
Rise.

Through the cracks,
Through the rubble,
You see the gate.
Rise.

You close your eyes,
You pray, sing, smile.
God is with you.
Rise.

You hear the voices of the other world,
They call to you, yet you do not answer.
Rise.

You hold loved ones close,
And what is your heart,
This you hold even closer.
Rise.

In the darkness you see the light.

With the sun,
Rise.

©

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A Perfect Realisation

Posted on January 23, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

When all around you are losing their heads, you maintain yours.
Taking pride in your grip.

With a dedication to strength and a will for survival; you’re a rock.
Nothing can move you.
Nothing penetrates.

You are refined by fire,
Sweat-less by its heat.
Unhurt by its power.

Hardened to some, yet purely withstanding to you.
You understand what needs to be done and do it you will.

You fight everyday for perfection, or near enough.
You cannot tolerate defeat. Loss is not in your vocabulary.
Your unflinching demeanour scares others,
Leaving others in awe.
And is, quite simply, astonishing.

Then you break.
I see it in you,
I know you’ve hit.

You refuse to let go.
Refuse to relinquish control.

Stop fighting, I say.
You’re working too hard.

Let things go,
You can’t own it all.

It’s Ok, It’s human and I totally understand.

Perfection is a dream, I say.
So wake up!

And then I wake up.
And then I’m free.

And then I realise what a perfect day this will be.
©

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To Tell You The Truth

Posted on January 19, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

It makes so much sense to me;
Which is crazy.

The lies become true,
The fiction becomes reality.
 
I stumble on the here and now,
And dream about tomorrow.
Holding close to me the fabrication of what isn’t.
 
If nobody knows then who’s to care?
Who am I really hurting?
Really?
Do I care anymore that I’m not who I am?
Do I care that I’m not who I say I am?
Do I care that I’m not who you think I am?
 
Yet I can’t stop!
Won’t stop.
I’ve worked too hard to get here.
This web I’ve spun is far too sweet.
Why would I stop?
 
I’m convincing,
So convincing.
Yet I worry you see right through me.
 
I don’t want to lie to you,
But you like me better this way.

So I pander to your needs,
And create insecurity within me.

But now, I have to be honest with you;
I am not just telling a lie.

Would you believe me if I told you,
I was the lie.

©

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If I Had A Penny

Posted on January 16, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

If I had a penny for every time he broke your heart,
I would buy you a new heart.

For every ill spoken word he ever said against you,
I would buy you new and wonderful memories.

For every time you prayed to God for the pain to stop,
I would buy you a church.

For every time you tried to cover those bruises,
I would buy you new skin.

For each time you knew this wouldn’t be the last time,
I would buy you the strength to walk away.

For every time you cried for help,
I would buy you a happy thought to replace.

For every time you convinced yourself it was love,
I would buy you reality.

For every advice you got but turned away from,
I would buy you a new perspective.

If I had a penny for everything you’re going through,
I cry, as I know, it still wouldn’t be enough.

©

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Midas

Posted on January 16, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

He is purity in the purest form.
Extravagance runs through him.
Authenticity seeps through his skin.

His skin glistens with golden tones.
Where the sun has always kissed.
Where heaven translates into paradise on this earth.

I can’t help but stare.
I can’t help but have thoughts of him, me; us.
It’s too much to comprehend,
Yet understand; I do.
Understand; I want to.

Is he so unaware of his beauty?
Of his true value?
Of his worth?

He is solid.
King.
Majestic.
How is it that he walks this earth?
Allowed to walk this earth?

Yet, he is humble.
And that’s what does it for me.
He is unknowing of what he carries. Or is he?

My No turns to Yes. Yes!

As I sit in his presence,
It’s apparent that he sees me such as this.
I am not alone in this thought.
As he shows me the wealth I too carry within me.

And then I realise,
It is me who possesses this wonderful power.

I have the Midas touch.

And He is Gold because of Me.

©

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Me, Myself and Music (In This for Life!)

Posted on January 14, 2010. Filed under: Music, Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

In light of the musical talent we’ve lost recently (known and unknown), I feel I have to dedicated this poem to those who gave their lives to giving us music. Thank you. RIP.x

We’re in love, you and I.
I can tell by the way you make me feel.

You encompass every part of me,
Almost knowing, predicting my mood.

You soothe the parts of me that are out of line,
And go to work on my soul like the god that you are.

Alone, we are a force.
Beating, running, jumping, swaying.
You move me beyond recognition.
You move me beyond thought.
You move me.

When you touch me,
The emotion stays with me.
I never forget when.
I never forget where.
Engraved in my memory.

I love that when I’m feeling silly,
You’re silly with me.
When I’m feeling love, you love with me.
When my heart aches,
You understand.

When I hate,
Like a supportive friend,
You hate right along with me.

But not completely submissive;
You’re strong,
You hold yours.
You take control when need be.
Oh yes, you take control.

Pulling me out of the deep,
Bringing me into light.
Damn, you hit hard,
But mean well.
Always.

You are slightly twisted though.
Turning a perfect day into living hell.
I cross that love line at this point,
As I do hate that side of you.

Regardless, you’re there.

I need you there.
I want you there.
I love you there.

And no matter where I go,
What I’m doing,
How I’m feeling,
Or who I’m with,
It will always be us.

It will always be You and Me, Music.
I’m in this for life!

©

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Boy Meets Girl (Complicated Version)

Posted on January 8, 2010. Filed under: Short Stories | Tags: , , , , , , , |

The story of boy meets girl.
So sweet. So simple.
This story, however, is a little different. It goes something like this:

Boy meets Girl, Girl meets boy.
Boy says hi to Girl, Girl says hi to boy.
Boy really likes Girl, Girl really likes boy.
Boy asks Girl out for lunch, Girl says no.
Boy looks a little confused, Girl starts to explain.
Boy then listens to her story…

You see Girl was on her way to the jewellery store to collect her engagement ring. Girl’s Guy had asked Girl to marry her 2 weeks ago and well, the ring was a little too big so she took it back to get it resized the very next day after the proposal.

On her way to the jeweller that day, Girl decided to get off the bus a little early to have a look around the shops. It had been a while since she had shopped and loved the idea that she had this time to herself. Whilst looking around the shops, Girl noticed a girl standing in the window of a lingerie store. This girl was a window dresser. Girl stood staring at her for a while and quickly began to realise that she actually knew this girl. But from where? Girl thought. Girl decided to go into the store and speak to the girl. After a few seconds of introductions, both girls realised they knew each other from school. They had even been ‘best friends’ at one point. You see, it had been years.

They talked for a while. It was fun to catch up. The girl then asked Girl if she wanted to have lunch, but Girl had to decline as she still had to collect her ring and then had lunch plans herself. The girl asked Girl if she could tag along to the jewellers. Girl smiled and said yes. She didn’t have that many girlfriends and loved the idea of having this ‘girlie’ experience with an old friend.

So off they went. Talking and getting to know each other again.

As they got to the jewellers, the girl’s cell phone rang. She answered, very excited. Girl knew it was a guy on the other end of that call, so she decided to move away to give the girl a little privacy. Girl goes to the counter to collect her ring. The girl gets off the phone and smiling, walks towards Girl. The girl then starts to tell Girl that her guy is cooking dinner for her tonight. Girl then tells the girls she is lucky. The girl then shows Girl a picture of her guy.

It’s Girl’s Boy!

Girl drops the ring…

Girl runs out of the store towards the bus stop to meet Boy, where:

Boy meets Girl, Girl meets boy.
Boy says hi to Girl, Girl says hi to boy.
Boy really likes Girl, Girl really likes boy.
Boy asks Girl out for lunch, Girl says no.
Boy looks a little confused, Girl starts to explain.
Boy then listens to her story…

©

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