A Letter to P.A.

Posted on February 6, 2010. Filed under: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Dear P,

I’ve wanted to write this letter for so long with every intention of giving it to you one day.

But I never did as my heart was filled with all sorts of fears;
Known and unknown.

So I commit myself to writing this to you here in hope one day you may stumble upon it.

You were a great guy.
A man with heart.
A strong and determined character that I admired.

You might laugh because your situation at the time was, somewhat, precarious, but you were inspirational.
I loved talking to you.
Hearing you laugh.
Hearing all the positive things you had to say about life.
About Me.

We clicked like we had known we would for ever.
We told stories of our lives, our hearts and battles and scars.

Yes, there were times when you became overwhelmed by it all. By your life. I could see that,
But in some ways, I turned a blind eye hoping and praying my love was enough.
And at times it was.

I wanted more of you. More from you,
But you were not in such a place to give.
And for this I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for looking but not seeing.
I’m sorry for listening but not hearing.
I’m sorry for wanting and not needing.
I’m sorry for the space I gave you and the times I gave you none.

I didn’t understand the fight, I just saw the fighter.

When I left, I put you to the back of my mind.
The realisation that this was bigger than me became too real.
It was bigger than my hopes or my dreams.

Though, you never left the forefront of my heart.
It is all still so real.
God brought us together;
We tore us apart.

I wanted what I wanted without much thought.

Now you are not totally blameless in all that took place,
So I put my hands up for what I did.
I too was responsible for our fall.

So now I wish you well.

I will always remember you the way you were. I fell in love with a dream.
x

©

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